| Feb. 17th, 2008 @ 06:17 pm Dream |
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Current Music: The wind outside my window
I had a weird dream this morning.
I was with a large group of people around my age, and we were all in the corner of a big open space outdoors-like a park surrounded by woods. It was dark and cool like early evening, and very pleasant. Apart from windiness, it was the kind of weather I have always associated with sort of "magical" stuff (incidentally exactly the weather outside my window right now in Nashville-with the wind. I took a nap on the porch this afternoon). It's the same feeling I get from this picture:  or the color of blue on the face of the watch my sister gave me a few years ago. It's one of the reasons I love that watch so much.
This whole group of people and I started running along the side of the park. It was some kind of fun game and we were really going for it. I really love running dreams, because I can always move so easily, which I can't do in waking life.
We were moving into the woods through these big wide grassy lanes between the trees; trees which were much more like large dome-shaped bushes than pine or oak or any kind of woods like that. As we were running we came to a break in the lane to our right and all moved through it-it was clear for some reason that heading to the right of our original direction-perpendicular to the line of trees we started running beside, was the way to go.
As we were running we came to a place were the next line of trees had two breaks in them, and there was some confusion in the group about which way to go, and even though this was some kind of friendly game, it had taken on some urgency.
In the midst of the confusion, a blonde girl with large eyes yelled "It doesn't matter which way you choose! Just keep moving on!"
In the middle of turning to run in the dream, and also of waking up, I experienced a heart-wrenching longing. The kind of longing I only seem to experience when reading the end of "The Great Divorce" or "The Last Battle" or any book which has a scene that emphasizes the idea that death is the first step in the real life that is to come.
It was strange, I was really stricken with the joy of what is to come, and the pain of wanting it without having it. I cried a little and shouted out to God how much I longed to be with Him.
It was a good moment, but it was a lot more strange and erie than altogether wonderful.
It was a good moment too, because I haven't been able to make myself interested in pursuing God at all for the last several weeks, and because while life has had a lot of good moments in the fifteen months since I last posted, it has mostly been really hard; it has mostly been a constant struggle for money and motivation, and it hasn't yet produced many noticeable results for all of the effort that I've put into it. I'm really stuck in my present circumstances with no change likely for a long while.
So sometimes it's nice to have a mystical, other-worldly moment. |
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